When a parent-child conflict arises, there could be two outcomes: if the child always ‘wins’ and gets his way the child continues to behave in a manner it would irritate the mood of the parent. The other if the parent shows his authority, assert the parental power, and child ‘lose’ it may create a situation where most children resist, defy, blame or lie to parents.
The conflicts between the demands of the parents and the desires of the children occur frequently and bound to create differences, fights, bitter feelings in the family.
How parents resolve the conflicts, what approach they adopt often forms a basis for a good alliance or a deep-rooted resentment in a parent-child relationship.
Conflict in a family; when openly expressed and accepted as a gluing factor for an enduring relationship does a world of good for the children than most parents think. In such circumstances, children are likely to experience the positive fallouts of conflict, learn how to cope with it, and be better prepared to deal with it in later life.
Most parents weigh the whole problem of discipline among children asking a question for themselves: to be strict or lenient, tough or soft, permissive or authoritarian. This duality pushes the parents into a dilemma of ‘win-lose’ orientation. If the parents are strict, the child loses, and he will resent the outcome, if the parent is lenient then child wins but parents seem to think the children may take advantage of the parent’s soft approach.
Let’s see the right and wrongs of both scenarios.
Parents who have a method to be strict about resolving conflicts, expect their power should have a ‘winning hold,’ and compel the child to ‘lose’ not to have his say may create a negative viewpoint toward his parents.
The child may get demotivated,
May develop resentment toward his parents,
May become stubborn to heed the words of parents
If he complies, it may be out of fear of parental punishment
We may find in children; resentment and hate replace love and affection.
Children don’t show any responsibility for doing things forced by their parents.
Children who learn to cope with excessive parental authority to stay obedient, conforming, disciplined, submissive as adolescents, or adults lack in life skills, self-discipline, inner controls, self-responsibility because as they grow they have no chance to cultivate this life-saving skills.
What happens to a child when the parent is too permissive allows the child to get away with what he wants, or to ‘win’ and let parents can never have his say or ‘lose.’ What would be the effects if the parents select these ‘lose’ choice and the child generally getting their way?
Children growing up in a home where parents allow them a free hand whatever they demand has far many negative results in the long run.
Children may get used to throwing temper tantrums to control their parents.
Their behavior becomes impulsive, uncontrollable; they make parents feel guilty and nasty.
Their behavior badly proves that their needs are more important than anyone else.
The children under this orientation hardly help themselves or anyone in the house.
Children who get accustomed to getting their way with their parents have difficulty in adjusting in the school, or with their peer groups.
Conflict is a normal part of any human relationship. After all, people can’t be expected to agree on everything all the time. Parents have to be more careful when it comes to avoiding the differences that arise with our children. The key here is not to avoid conflicts but how to resolve them healthily. When the conflict not properly resolved it can cause great damage to the relationship among the family members but solved in a humane way the conflict may provide an opportunity to strengthen the bond between the parent and the child.